When I was in high school, I saw one couple that, whether or not the intentions included "missionary dating", the consequences certainly showed me one reason why evangedating is not the right idea.
Lisa* and Peter* (names have been changed) met somewhere, school or a club or something, and started dating. Peter, who was very involved in his church, began to bring Lisa to services with him, and I often saw them in service together with the rest of Peter's family. Lisa started getting really involved, coming to more and more events with Peter, until she wasn't anymore. I found out that Peter had broken things off, telling her that he had started noticing other girls, and he thought it would be best if they took a break. He hadn't cheated on her, and from hearing the story second-hand, I was impressed with his honesty and figured she'd respect such a thing, and they could still be friends.However, that's not how Lisa saw things. She stopped coming to church, started to hang out with a totally different crowd of kids at school, and was rumored to start partying.
Now, obviously, I don't have all the information in this story because I wasn't directly involved or friends with anyone involved. I just watched it play out from a distance. I'm not certain what Peter's intentions in bringing Lisa to church with him were, but I'd like to believe he was not rationalizing it with the idea of "evangedating." However, whether he was or wasn't, the ending of this story is the biggest reason I discourage "missionary dating" or "evangedating". If the relationship ends badly, someone may want nothing more to do with the church and Jesus, just because they were hurt by a Christian.
Now, obviously Christians aren't perfect so sometimes we do hurt people, but with missionary dating your exes will just feel used. After a break-up, they may question the legitimacy of Christianity. They may question whether you ever cared about them, or just cared about saving souls for Jesus. That's not the image that we want to create.
Another reason that missionary dating is problematic is the use of ultimatums, such as"If you accept Jesus, then I'll date you." No healthy relationship should use ultimatums. They are a tool of abuse and manipulation and should not be used to convert people to Christianity or get them to come to church.
Finally, missionary dating is not what the Bible tells us to pursue. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says, Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be seperate from them, say the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, say the Lord Almighty". (ESV).
God wants us to date and marry those who also make Him a priority in their lives. Dating is intended to lead to marriage, and marriage is meant to reflect Christ's relationship with the church. By engaging in "missionary dating", you cannot reflect that relationship, and you cannot fulfill the purpose God created for marriage.
Through all of this, I want to make it clear that we can witness to people of the opposite sex. My ministry doesn't need to be limited to women. Problems arise when people play off affections and attractions to bring someone to church events.
If you're feeling frustrated because you think that missionary dating is your only hope of finding a man and getting married because you just can't seem to find any Christian guys, I want to remind you that you are God's temple. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 again, and begin to soak in the truth that you are valuable and precious to God. He wants only the best relationship for you and waiting for a spouse that can help keep you accountable and push you spiritually will be the best for you. So, find the ministry that God has prepared for you and put your all into it. Eventually, you'll meet someone who's working just as hard for the kingdom as you are, and you can move into a ministry together.
For a corresponding video to this post, check out Giselle Evan's channel here.
Lisa* and Peter* (names have been changed) met somewhere, school or a club or something, and started dating. Peter, who was very involved in his church, began to bring Lisa to services with him, and I often saw them in service together with the rest of Peter's family. Lisa started getting really involved, coming to more and more events with Peter, until she wasn't anymore. I found out that Peter had broken things off, telling her that he had started noticing other girls, and he thought it would be best if they took a break. He hadn't cheated on her, and from hearing the story second-hand, I was impressed with his honesty and figured she'd respect such a thing, and they could still be friends.However, that's not how Lisa saw things. She stopped coming to church, started to hang out with a totally different crowd of kids at school, and was rumored to start partying.
Now, obviously, I don't have all the information in this story because I wasn't directly involved or friends with anyone involved. I just watched it play out from a distance. I'm not certain what Peter's intentions in bringing Lisa to church with him were, but I'd like to believe he was not rationalizing it with the idea of "evangedating." However, whether he was or wasn't, the ending of this story is the biggest reason I discourage "missionary dating" or "evangedating". If the relationship ends badly, someone may want nothing more to do with the church and Jesus, just because they were hurt by a Christian.
Now, obviously Christians aren't perfect so sometimes we do hurt people, but with missionary dating your exes will just feel used. After a break-up, they may question the legitimacy of Christianity. They may question whether you ever cared about them, or just cared about saving souls for Jesus. That's not the image that we want to create.
Another reason that missionary dating is problematic is the use of ultimatums, such as"If you accept Jesus, then I'll date you." No healthy relationship should use ultimatums. They are a tool of abuse and manipulation and should not be used to convert people to Christianity or get them to come to church.
Finally, missionary dating is not what the Bible tells us to pursue. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says, Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be seperate from them, say the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, say the Lord Almighty". (ESV).
God wants us to date and marry those who also make Him a priority in their lives. Dating is intended to lead to marriage, and marriage is meant to reflect Christ's relationship with the church. By engaging in "missionary dating", you cannot reflect that relationship, and you cannot fulfill the purpose God created for marriage.
Through all of this, I want to make it clear that we can witness to people of the opposite sex. My ministry doesn't need to be limited to women. Problems arise when people play off affections and attractions to bring someone to church events.
If you're feeling frustrated because you think that missionary dating is your only hope of finding a man and getting married because you just can't seem to find any Christian guys, I want to remind you that you are God's temple. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 again, and begin to soak in the truth that you are valuable and precious to God. He wants only the best relationship for you and waiting for a spouse that can help keep you accountable and push you spiritually will be the best for you. So, find the ministry that God has prepared for you and put your all into it. Eventually, you'll meet someone who's working just as hard for the kingdom as you are, and you can move into a ministry together.
For a corresponding video to this post, check out Giselle Evan's channel here.
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